Chadius: TOA Shadra Haela

Foreword

Note: I have concluded this is the most representative of Ms. Haela's news reports. It covers most of her life and achievements up to date. While I do understand our need to keep up to track of her, I must say that I did enjoy reading the many articles about her.

- Lucy, Secretary of TOA

Cover Story

Som 15th, 1499

A! Entertainment's Weekly Spotlight: Shardra Haela

by Rick Rogen

Hi! I'm Rick Rogen, and this week's spotlight I'm going to cover the one, the only Shardra Haela! She's been in the biz for five years, now 26 years old. I have tied down her agent, Sly Hatrey in my office. And I am going to get some answers!

Rick: First of all Sly, thanks for coming here. First thing's first: Who is Shardra? Where did she come from?

Sly: She's a farmer's daughter - literally. Came straight from a farm in Tenessee. A terrible accident burned down her home and, she lost her parents too. She had to pick up oddjobs and live in the lower-end apartments.

Rick: Oh, that's terrible.

Sly: Yup. But Fate works in mysterious ways. I was in Memphis, helping out Diiman's latest flick, Psychobilly Explosion. Anyways, the scene is the badguy challenges Sheriff Diiman, right? And of course the women in the town love him, so they're like "NO Sheriff, don't go!" Anyway, Shardra pops up as one of the extra screaming women. One look at her and I know. She's going places. After we finish filming, I pluck her right out of there and offer to be her agent. And then BOOM, history.

Rick: And then she starred in Sensible Sensibility, right?

Sly: [nods] Yup. The robot scene was magnificent. Jane Austen would be proud. The box office was also very proud. She hit several magazines, TV commercials, guest starred in a few game shows, the works. But she wasn't a megastar. Not yet.

Rick: And that's when she met Diiman.

Sly: Diiman was having one of his crazy parties. And it's Shardra's first time at these parties. What does she do? Walks right up to Diiman and talks to him. Now I understand power grabs, but you gotta be careful. One word from him and it would be all over for her. But no. He takes her out of there. The next morning, I get a call from a dazed Diiman talking about how great she is and how she needs to stay and how he's gonna talk about her on TV every opportunity he gets. I called Shardra and congratulated her on her impending Megastardom.

Rick: If I recall correctly, you weren't so thrilled about their relationship initially. Like after that showing of Secret Word-

Sly: Low caffine that entire week. Made me irritable.

Readers will recall that week was Celebrity Week. Diiman and Shardra made it to the finals, but Diiman couldn't guess the Secret Word. The way Shardra said "Saxophone," "Oboe," and "Trombone" left Diiman rather...excited. After the first airing, Sly was furious and claimed the episode devalued them to "hormonal sex slaves." The episode of Secret Word was never aired again and remains a rarity, a true collector's classic.

The pair broke up soon after that but remained close friends. Some say Sly broke them up because he didn't want anymore spectacles. Of course the rumor mill flew about their private lives (see "Glamourous" magazine, Ver 10th, 1498 for some ideas.)

Clearly Sly wasn't going to talk about it, so I decided to switch gears.

Rick: So Sly, what is she working on now?

Sly: She is co-starring in a new film with Diiman. Blazing Fury will be in it, too. Rumor is there's gonna be a new guy fighting alongside them.

Rick: Is it that dragon-looking guy someone recorded in China?

Sly: No comment. I think my time is done.

Rick: Thank you for your time.