Goth-Flavored Banana Bread

After spraying mead all over my kitchen counter in a disastrous encounter with a puddle of Murphy's oil soap on the floor (I hate you, Tom. Why is it that even AFTER you've moved out, your shit STILL isn't where it belongs?), I was forced to give the entire area a scrubdown. While doing so, I found this plastic bag filled with soft brown logs and thought "gee, I don't remember him being a fecophile... OH MY GOD THOSE ARE BANANAS."

Ingredients:

4-5 extra-squishy overripe bananas

2 cups flour

2 eggs

3/4 cup white sugar (or brown, if you prefer)

1 tsp ground cloves

1/2 cup butter (1 stick)

3/4 tsp baking powder

honey (a couple tablespoons for the top of the loaf)

Tools:

1 loaf pan (9x5, two mini-loaf pans, or a round cake pan)

1 potato masher

1 rubber spatula

1 big ass bowl

Preheat your oven to 350 degrees. Microwave the stick of butter on high power for 10 seconds, just enough to get it squishy (don't be like Jarez and leave the butter in for the full 30 seconds - this is not Ghettalian garlic bread, and we can't just "deal with it"). Plop the butter into the big ass bowl and use the butter left on the wrapper to lube up the loaf pan. Cream the sugar in with the squishy butter until it's nice and mixed. Crack in the two eggs and mix until it's all evenly blended and there aren't any giant sugar/butter lumps. Next, drop in your overripe bananas and mash everything up into a thick paste (and it's better if you make a poo joke while you're doing so). Gently blend in the flour, baking powder, and cloves (be generous - if you can't smell the clove flavor with your face at least 6 inches above the bowl, it's not goth enough. Go listen to some Cruxshadows and come back and try again). Scrape this concoction into your greased-up loaf pan (or pans), and then generously drizzle honey all over the top. Shove it all in the oven and bake for 50 minutes. Pinch a loaf to see if it's done.