Sexy Homemade Tater Tots

I got so sad the other night when I discovered that all frozen tater tots are *still* deep fried before they go into the bag. So even if you bake them, you're only fooling yourself into thinking they're better for you. Might as well just do what I used to do and stick 'em in the deep fryer again, since they cook faster when they're in hot oil than they do in the oven. However, just like Sexy Breakfast With Kim 'n Steph, now *you* can make your very own sexy tater tots, and have them with your sexy breakfast. What makes these sexy? Less oil. Well, okay, I guess you *could* deep fry them and they would come out like regular old tots, but you don't *have* to!

Ingredients:

8-10 medium sized white potatoes (using the giant ones will have you making tots forever)

~ 1 tsp all-purpose flour per tater

salt to taste

pepper to taste (optional)

3 tbsp oil (just enough to brush on the tots)

Tools:

1 food processor, if you're fancy (if not, 1 cheese grater, you're doing this by hand)

1 big ass pot

1 big ass bowl

1 baking tray

Wash and peel the taters. Stick them in the big ass pot and boil just until they are tender - don't overboil them or you'll have mashed-potato-textured tots. Check by sticking a fork into them while they're in the water - you should be able to spear them, but they shouldn't crack or fall apart. Drain/fish them out and let them sit until they are just cool enough to handle (but still warm).

If you have a food processor, this is the step where you would shred the taters. But for the rest of us who are po', this is where you bust out the cheese grater and begin grating, like, forever. Use the largest holes on the cheese grater - you want that nice tater tot texture, but not quite as low-resolution as shredded cheese. Give the pile a coarse chop with the knife if the shredded taters look too stringy. Place all the grated tater goodness into the big ass bowl. Stir in the salt and pepper and then gently work in the flour one tsp at a time and mix well. If mixture is really awfully sticky, add a little bit more flour as necessary. Careful not to over-flour or it won't hold tot-shape.

Preheat your oven to 450 degrees if you are going to eat these right away (and you would, now that it's taken so long to make them, wouldn't you?). Now, form tots. Forever. I'm still trying to think of how to optimize the tot-molding process... maybe a nozzle modification to my guacamole caulking gun? If you figure out how to make an autotot, let me know. Potatoptimus Prime. AHAHA. Ugh, wow. Okay, anyway, as you press your batter into tot form, lay the tots out onto the baking sheet.

Brush a bit of oil onto each tot, then either stick the tray in the freezer, if freezing for later, or stick it in the oven and bake for 25 minutes, flipping and tossing the tots halfway through to get even surface browning. If cooking from the freezer, add a couple minutes to get to desired crispness. Plate with a variety of dips, and shovel them into your mouth, feeling good about the fact that they truly are sexy tater tots that won't immediately lead to giant ass.