Cruelty-free Bolognese Sauce

I love the flavor profile and texture of Bolognese sauce, but so many times, it's made with veal (which I'm allergic to) or other baby animal meats (which make me sad). So when I had this vegetarian version on a ski trip with coworkers, I thought it was the shit!

Ingredients:

1 onion

3 carrots

1 bell pepper

1 1oz-package dried porcini mushrooms

2 cloves garlic

5 oz (a little over half a package) mushrooms

3 tbsp tomato paste

1/4 cup olive oil

1 tsp oregano (fresh is better, but dried is fine)

2 tsp thyme (see above)

2 tsp salt

1 tsp black pepper

1/2 cup red wine

1/2 cup mascarpone cheese (or neufchatel)

First, heat 1.5 cup water and rehydrate the dried mushrooms. Then set it aside for later while you chop. The single biggest pain in the ass about this message recipe is all the chopping you have to do. If you can cram all of it in a food processor, all the better for you. Finely chop the bell pepper, onion, carrots, mushrooms, and garlic. Feel like you're chopping forever. Pour the olive oil in a large frying pan (go large here - you have to fit a shitload of food in there with room to mix). Heat, then fry the onion, garlic, carrot, pepper, and seasonings for 5-6 min until soft. Chop and add the dried mushrooms (save the water), plus tomato paste and mushrooms. Cook that for another 5 min. Add the wine and mushroom water, then simmer until half the liquid is gone (10 min). Stir in the cheese right before serving. If you make pasta, save some of the starch water and add it to the sauce if it looks too thick. Enjoy guilt-free!