Chadius: TOA Summary 1/22/07

• Diiman drives in with the strike team and distracts
• Li provides an aerial and sees a pyramid
• Lily and Viveka see the priest (Dan)

• Dan needs their help reclaiming a pyramid.
• There is a Fiirey, Resplenda inside. Fiirey are subred Nu'mair, who create simple lifeforms. He believes she was corrupted, and needs rescuing.
• There's a giant dog-like amoeba thing guarding the pyramid. FIGHT!

• Dan helps out and they defeat them.
• Inside the pyramid, Dan helps free Resplenda.
• Viveka finds a manilla envelope containing orders. The stationary is from Senator Mannon.
• Mikel was here right before the blast and then left.
• Lots of Crystalline books in a hidden room showing Grapha as an Empress, in control of the world.

Mission Report: Diiman

Objective

Save dudes trapped in hex cannoned town. Investigate suspicious stuff.

Status

Success

Summary

Edited for time (& to prevent the writer from going insane)

... was BAM! Right in the face. How was I supposed to know that it was a guy. I mean in that dress he looked just... huh, we're recording now? Ok. Anyway, I was getting ready to give her, I mean him, a... Oh, right the mission report. Bob-man, I'll tell you about the party later. Alright?

Let's see. Mission report... mission report... Right! We were crashing through the jungles of Venezuela and Brazil in the Black Tiger. We were on our way to the town that was hit by the hex cannon, Sol... Solpisuezo... Soapypenzo... oh right, Solpequeno. Thanks. Anyway, by the time Ceelie, Li, and I got there, the rest of the team and the soldier dudes had already had a skirmish with the evil dudes infesting the town. They had found an awesomely good person who was trapped in the church basement. There were quite a few people with him who were hiding from the bad mercs roaming the streets.

We decided that I should provide a distraction with a team of soldiers in the Black Tiger while a stealthy team snuck into the church and rescued the guys in the church. I hopped back into the Black Tiger and revved her up, ready to make some noise. The soldiers piled into the car with me, ready to lay down the smack. One of them was all like, "Wow is this the Black Tiger?" And I was all like, "You betcha!" and I revved the engine for emphasis because the roar of 8 cylinders shooting towards seven thousand RPMs is a great way to make a statement. But the officer was all like, "Keep in line, Private." Kill joy. I don't think that I could ever be in the army. They would always try to keep me from enjoying myself. Although they get lots of big toys to play with. I would much rather be an action hero. A man standing against all odds with his rag tag team of companions, like in Psychobilly Explosion when the professor, skipper, and I... no wait, that was G-man's Isle... So there we were, ready to fight the hoards of undead monkeys with nothing but a chain-saw, a battle axe, and revolver between us. It got really messy, but our team of awesome came out victorious. My favorite part was when... <snip>... The fricken chimp flung it right at me. I managed to duck, but it hit the director right in the ear. Hehe, poop is funny.

Yes, Ceelie. Butts are funny too. Speaking of butts, did you guys see the scene in "XTream Demolition Nights" where Tom Woarhek got tossed into one of those big truck tires? Well, in one of the takes he got stuck in it. He started trying to hop around to get it off only managed to flip over onto his face with his butt sticking up the air through the tire. We wanted to put it in the out-takes, but Tom was such a spoil sport about it. I thought it was too damn funny, so I snuck the reel out that has the clip. I'll show it to you later.

Well anyway, as soon as I got the signal, I popped BT into gear and went screaming into town with lights flashing and siren blaring. We rolled down all the windows and began taking shots at the evil dudes as we drove by. I tried to run down a couple guys, but they dove behind a concrete wall which I narrowly managed to avoid scraping by entering a sharp drift turn to the other side. As we went around the turn, some of my soldier guys sprayed lead out of the right windows, bringing down the wall jumpers. I spun us around and floored it again to make another pass through town. I changed gears, tossed Viper into my left hand, and began taking a few shots out of my window at a mercenary that was yelling at us.

At the intersection with the next road, a bunch of bad guys jumped out from the side street to try and get a chance to take us on. I dropped Viper back into its door holster, yanked on the hand brake and entered a spin, so that I could broadside the group of guys before flooring it and shooting down one of the other streets in the intersection. One of them managed to see it coming and did a dive roll onto the ground. The other two got smacked by the Black Tiger's rear and went flying through the window of the building on the corner.

Yes, Ceelie. I hit them with the Black Tiger's butt.

One of the soldiers asked, "Does this have a sun roof?" I was all like, "Well, yeah." I hit the button to open it. He stood up on the folding platform that I had installed specially for shooting from the sunroof. It keeps people from trying to stand on the seats. The soldier started firing his automatic rifle from the roof. He nearly lost the gun when I later had to slalom through the market place vendor booths. So we went flying down main... <snip> ... then he asked, "Can I fire a bazooka from here?" "I don't see why not." "Awesome." He pulled his bazooka out from the back of BT and fired it from the open sunroof at the crowd of guys chasing us. Several of them when flying through the air from the resulting explosion. I need to get one of those. At this point I think pretty much every bad dude in the town was trying to chase after us. But there was no way they could touch us. After all it was D-Day!

So, during all this ruckus. Team Sneakers snuck stealthily into the sacred sanctuary. Lily and Viveka...

What's so funny? Huh? Alliteration? You want me to say something about weasels? Where would we walk with wandering weasels? What?!

You guys are crazy. Anyway, Lily and Viveka were on the sneaky team with a squad of soldier dudes. The church doors were locked, but one of the soldier dudes picked the lock. I wonder if lock picks are standard issue? The soldiers set up a defensive formation inside the church while Lily and Viveka went down the stairs into the basement to find the guys hiding down there. They found the priest, Birdman Dan, along with a group of like 30 dudes. Dan had to knock one of the guys out because he was giving in to the hatred that the harmful hex was hemorrhaging. ... What?... They managed to sneak everybody out of the town thanks to Ceelie redirecting an awesome combo of Li's bird's... err... dragon's eye view and Tara's evil radar. (The radar isn't evil, but it detects it instead. It's an important difference.)

Now that the trapped townies took their leave of the troubled town thanks to the TOA team's uhh... teamwork, I decided to leave the mob of evil dudes that I had running amok in the streets behind me. The Black Tiger bolted through town and dove into the forest where we would then rendezvous with the rest of the team. During his arial recon, Li noticed a pyramid set off in a valley in the distance where there was something weird going on. Ceelie did a quick mental probe over there and found a few minds. There was one in pain. Dan informed us that an acquaintance of his was in trouble at the pyramid. It was a Fiirey named Resplenda. So TOA team 255 minus Li plus Dan, jumped into the Black Tiger and hauled ass through the jungle behind Li.

There was this large dog like, slime like, thing with many eyes outside the pyramid. It started spitting these goopy blobs at Li. The rest of us arrived shortly and most of us jumped out of the car to fight with the beast. A pair of dudes with magictech weapons ran out of the pyramid and started shooting at us as well. It was a ridiculous mess of a battle. Li was breathing flames at the dog beast, Dan was bonking dudes with his mace, I was shooting the guns out their hands when I wasn't busy getting out of the dog snot. Oh and the dog was spitting icky stick snot goo that would keep you from moving. Uh... the dudes shot their nasty armor piercing magic shots at us. Tara healed me, Viveka slashed dudes, Ceelie brain fried them, and I'm not really sure what Lily was doing but she seemed to be concentrating on something. She also picked up the gun that I shot from one of their hands. That guy pulled out a sword instead, but Dan took him down.

So yeah, the formerly fiendishly filled field was grotesquely garnished with green goop... gross. Inside the pyramid we found a magic circle thingie that was containing a bunch of spinning wind inside of it. Dan did a spell that broke the circle and let the wind out. It was the Fiirey Resplenda! Yay!

While people were busy talking things over with Resplenda, I got board and started rummaging around the pyramid. I think that they were discussing something about someone they new name Mikel who had gone missing during the Hex Canon blast.

Anyway, I was knocking on the walls and pushing random bricks because these old ruins always have hidden passageways or rooms behind the wall. Sure enough, the 56th brick I pushed gave way and a doorway slid open that revealed a room filled with things made out of crystal. Cool... Someone mentioned that it looked like the room that Grapha had back at TOA.

Viveka also found a manilla envelope that contained the orders for the men who had taken over the pyramid. It contained detailed instructions on how to contain Resplenda. It also appeared that the orders came from one Senator Mannon. Whoever that is...

Inside the crystal room Tara found a crystal book that contained a history in which Grapha was the Empress of the World!!! Funny, I don't remember learning that in my history classes. After throughly rummaging around inside the pyramid, we decided that we needed to help find the Mikel dude that Resplenda and Dan asked us to look for. Well that's what we do best so we... huh? That's it for today? But I wanted to talk about when I got to use the Spinning Hedgehog on the crowd of crazy people. It was like that time in Big Shiny Guns 3... <snip>