Revision as of 22:37, 1 February 2010

I am a lich. Yes, an undead mage. I am current with The Longest Road. Before you try to smite me (for brownie points, lousy Paladins!), please read:

Links

• Pathfinder Conversion

Ezel's Top Ten Corrections

10. Fear Auras are worthless. 9. You would think cold and electicity would hurt me. You are wrong. 8. Those who cannot do 15 damage will be presented with my patented shit-eating grin! 7. Unless it is a magical bludgeoning weapon. Please don't hit me with those (SIL!!!) 6. Yes I have a phylactery. No, I don't want to go there. I don't really want to "die." 5. Like clerics and other men of the cloth, you won't like my touch. 4. In the party, I fear Sil the most. She is driven by the three worst temperaments: Zeal, Avarice, and Drunkenness. 3. A family reuinion? That would kill me. You see, my mother and father would love me to death. 2. My sister is actually a great hero. Yes, there are many great heroes, I'm not telling you which one, lest you force me to bother her with my presence. 1. No I am NOT evil.

I am a researcher, Information is my goal. It is my purpose...

A Wizard Did It

I am a wizard. I study the arcane arts, examine the purview of magic, and make pretty colors appear. Ellowyn would probably understand it best, although he does not need to study it (lousy sorcerers.) Querca might get it, assuming she can stop looking at cute puppies and other nature-related nonsense.

Divination is my preferred domain. Being able to predict, perceive, and protect information remotely is quite useful. If we need to scope out somewhere, I can do that well. Once a fight breaks out, though, I am best at enhancing the Murder Brigade (TM), that is the rest of the party. They're quite good at brute force.

At some point I would like to return to my home base. I check on it every time I return to the material plane.

I do not like necromancy spells and have forbidden myself from using them. They remind me of...me.

Virton Archdemon Profile: Itessa

When dealing with mortals, Demons have a list of basic aspects to corrupt with. Money, Sex, and Power are the major ones. Itessa seems to have a different path: motherhood.

Demons do not choose to reproduce unless ordered to by their superiors. Itessa chooses to create offspring in her image. Stranger still, she prefers to directly train and raise them. As if she cares about them. We have observed several demons and undead similar to her running about, performing deeds and dedicating them to their "Mother." They seem to be completely loyal to their "Mother" and "Father," all working together for their parents' "love."

This kind of dedication deeply worries us. We can usually rely on demons' disorganized and betraying nature to single out and overcome them. But this kind of unison, teamwork, and unforced (or perhaps inborn?) loyalty presents an organized threat. I hope we can manage to contain her and her offspring before this situation spills out of control.

At one point, Itessa disguised herself and entered our holiest of temples and seduced one of the highest-ranking clergymen. We accosted the pair with some of our best warriors, and she still escaped. Her teleportation abilities are incredible, and her claws contain an extremely fast-working poison. She didn't even cast a spell; we were no match. But the hardest blow was our priest. He claimed she truly loved him, and he would gladly renounce Virton to help Itessa realize her dreams of "Motherhood, the one thing she cannot obtain." We made his final days in the asylum peaceful, and prayed the almighty Virton would aid him in the afterlife.

This Archdemon is considered extremely dangerous and should not be attacked without significant backup and our approval.

Necromancers Elite: Willard

Issues

At some points in Ezel's unlife, he decides some things are Serious business! He prompty scrawls a rant on a sheet of parchment, realizes no one should ever read them, and quickly throws them away before anyone can read it. But with spies and scavengers everywhere, the age-old lesson rears its ugly head: "What is be broken can be unbroken."

Shadow Evocation

I don't understand. Why did you not copy correctly, Shadow Evocation?

I enjoy tracking and tracing and gathering information and all that, but when the fight breaks out, I'm not very useful. This would have been the perfect spell to add an extra oomph. But nooooo, it didn't want to copy itself to my spellbook.

What happened that night? Was I tired? No, I'm a lich. Was I disracted? A tiny violin played in the background during the night, but it was minor. Was it me? No, I'm perfect.

It must have been the scroll! It was maybe defective. Perhaps the parchment had worn down and a few sigils were missing. Maybe whoever wrote the scroll was too lazy.

And I've studied it every way I know how to. I'll need to read up on scroll-copy techniques later on and try again. Maybe there's an angle I missed. In the meantime, Blast you Shadow Evocation!

Compulsion

Freehaven makes me sick. More than the silly-willy artists and I-use-big-words-that-makes-me-smart propeller heads and the SERIOUS BUSINESS!!!1! politicians. No, this is about magical compulsion, forcing something against its own will.

Using a brainwashed silver dragon, to guard the town against a demon portal. Incredible. The means are just as important as the goals, kids. Forcing something against its will is one of the worst things you can possibly do to someone. If you provide a compelling argument, sure no problems there. But holding an artifact and instanly commanding control? NO.

The lost potential is simply too great. The deputy mayor had been under great stress during the last few days. But he couldn't talk about the dragon. At first I thought it was because he was a snooty fool like the mayors. Until I realized they were controlling him as well. He was free to do whatever he wanted EXCEPT talk about the silver dragon. He so clearly wanted to talk about it, but his body physically locked up when he tried to talk about it.

He was smart enough to take us to the Mayor's office, though. Orders always have loop holes and ways to pervert commands (djinn love screwing up wish spells. I will never cast those kinds of spells unless it's a last resort.) I wanted to tear into the mayors. Oddly enough, none of the logical reasons came to mind: A silver dragon isn't enough to protect you against demons, everyone will come looking for the artifact, the dragon will kill you when it finally breaks free, we can offer better means of protection, yadda yadda yadda.

No, none of that. I simply hate these kinds of compulsions. There are MANY activites I would like to do that I can't because of this stupid compulsion and I - ARGH I hate it.

And I couldn't do a single thing about it. I prepared several Break Enchantment spells for naught because it's an artifact. Also, one of our travellers is also suffering from a magical compulsion I cannot break because I am so weak.

I need to break free of all of this nonsense, quickly. Before I lose what's left of my sanity.

Life

Technically, it's just a dragon egg hatching. I've read all about the process. I've read the diagrams, I have seen the pictures. So why did Seth and Mirenuth's egg hatching upset me so much?

Now, the sight of so many happy happy joy joy humanoids and dragons gushing over a newborn is enough to drive anyone mad. A minute after the hatching, I was upstairs, well on my way to the dragons' library. I mean, I had spells to research. Maybe there's a Close Portal spell (They'll probably give it a stupid name, like Seal Extraplanar Hole but these embellishings are annoying.)

But something came up. I'm sitting on a chair, lost deep in thought. And not about what was wrong with the Shadow Evocation scroll I screwed up yesterday (the previous author must have done it wrong. Whatever, I'll look at it later.) Yet I wasn't in the library. Well, people were coming upstairs, so it was my queue to get my bony butt into the library.

An hour into research, I was going nowhere. Seriously. I spent another hour pondering about it when I finally figured it out. Life, birth, an addition to a family - I've never experienced that. And I can't relate to it.

I don't remember anything about my birth. Well, not my birth, but the birth before it. The original birth. Assuming I was ever alive. The relationship I would like to call "family" is a sick joke at best. Why is it such a happy event? I concluded the magical drive to convince creatures to try to survive - but that's not good enough. At least not right now.

As the festivities died down, I snuck into the hatchery to privately speak to Mirenuth. Well, "snuck" is a loose term since there were plenty of attendants there. Oh, and the huge silver dragon. I had nothing to offer her (I was supposed to bring gems and gifts for the child to hoard, hmm) and admitted to her that I had no concept of birth or life.

She pinned me with her wing (well, I guess this is how a dragon hugs.) Later, we spoke more about families and life in detail. She managed to distract Sil by giving her babysitting duty (a million thanks, Mirenuth.) Mirenuth spoke about her parents, the courting process with Seth, finding a home on the Plane of Air and waiting for their child to hatch.

She was so passionate about it. I...I really wanted to understand it. To have a family, a actually functional family. Later during the day, I felt pity for Mother. She searches frantically for the meaning of the word "family" but will never find it.

In the long run, this is a new problem for me to solve. Perhaps the hardest one I have ever encountered.

Happy Birthday, here's a Puppy

This is my familiar. I call him Sunshine. Some people say this is akin to humans calling their pets "Killer" or "Sharky."

Mother sent me a puppy familiar on my birthday.

Stop. Read that sentence again.

And again.

There are three things wrong with that sentence, did you spot them all?

First of all, I don't have a birthday. Or I suppose I don't remember when I was "born." Or, more appropriately, it doesn't really matter. It's an inconsequential day. I mean, why don't we celebrate the 3rd day after my birthday instead? How about the first month after? I'm a lich, I'm not growing older anytime soon.

Second problem. Mother still knows where I am. She knows how to get in contact with me and knows how to prevent me from tracking her location. This is bad, I thought my fortifications were good enough.

Third, a puppy. No, a fiendish puppy. I was prepared for an undead puppy. I would have destroyed that on the spot. But a fiendish puppy...I can't bring myself to it. It hasn't done anything bad yet. Mother knows I won't reject this instantly.

Fourth (what?) do I really want a familiar? A voice in my head, interrupting my thoughts? Another target I need to worry about getting hurt? Something that knows everything I do but is harder to control?

Yes, I suppose I do want one. Damn it, Mother.

What?

It's a good night. The others went to sleep, and I've found a ley line. Sunshine runs off, good. Then, a bunny returns. A...celestial bunny.

"Oh, excuse me sir. Do you need...a hug?"

And then this cleric of Laniss hugs me. A...cleric of the goddess of life. HUGGED ME I thought he was going to spam healing spells until I exploded or something. But no, he disengaged. By the end of this evening I wish he did.

"I'm sorry, I noted a ley line around here. Then I notice an undead around here. What is your name?"

The bunny hopped up and down. A lot. Happily, I guess. I need to get this fool out of here. "Ezel. What is-"

"Ezel, Ezel, good name, good name. I understand your situation. You want to speak someone. You need a pal. I'll lend an ear!"

Didn't tell me his name.

"YEAH YEAH LEND AN EAR!"

His rabbit...is talking to me. Or maybe miming what the cleric says. Or...Sunshine promptly tackles him. Good boy! May as well get to the point.

"Is there...a point to this? Or maybe I should just leave ley line to you-"

"NO! NO! Please stay! I enjoy to hear the stories of undead! Do you lament about your unlife? Do you wish the living would understand you? Don't worry I love ALL creatures, alive or undead. Why, I once met a vampire that-"

All right. All right. I- I don't understand this. He's just rambling on and on. About...I'm not sure. I mean he keeps talking about undead. Or maybe he wants to revive someone. Or maybe it's a trap? I mean a trap so stupid there MUST be a deeper trap behind it. And he's been at it for five minutes straight? I mean he can't shut up. He just keeps rambling on and on and on and on like someone is actually listening to him. I mean, what? Why won't he shut up? He just keeps going on and on and-

Is it sunrise already?

"Excuse me cleric. I think we're done here. Besides, the focal point moved away."

"Oh. I didn't realize. I guess my thesis of unified life and unlife will have to wait. Killer! Here girl!"

And the bunny popped up on his shoulder. He turned around and left. I lost the ley line, I lost my name, and he lost nothing.

What is this?

Nightmare

If I am ever destroyed, I will wind up here. In a ridiculous sailor suit, no less. I don't want to "die."

Past Times

Emberberry Castle

It isn't always like this. I'm sure of it. Normally Siblings go down quickly, a few shots at most.

She's taken several fireballs, a few lightning bolts and...damn it I even fired a magic missle. No, Serrah's still charging down the hallway, screaming "LOVE ME BROTHER!" at the top of her lungs. Hasn't even flinched. And off I go.

sigh I really enjoyed not being pursued. A week ago Virton's Seekers found me again. Must have saved up for a very potent oracle. Or maybe they just got lucky. Luckily Urlan is about as subtle as a- pardon, I just fell down a flight of stairs.

Serrah's way of hugging me involves bludgeoning me into a pile of paste. To prove she loves mom and dad more than I. Ugh, Siblings never think straight. Yes Serrah you may love them but not as much as this handy distraction I just made to stall for time. Good, she's confused. good, the Seekers noticed. I'll just slip in here and-

A closet... Not what I expected. Barri wants to sell me a teleportation scroll, only double the normal price! How does she keep finding me? Nevermind, give her the money it sounds like Urlan is making his "Justice succeeds once again!" speech. Alright, going home.

This tome on Emberberry enchantments had better be worth it. The sooner I give that Break Enchantment Pendant to Aezma the sooner she can dethrone that imposter. The sooner she does that the sooner I can route her to the Alderran mountain range. Maybe I can shut down another Sibling home that way.